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Food diary!

Food and exercise diary: Day three.

Today was the first day of my “health challenge” and I failed. Failed badly, in fact. I can’t believe I have such bad self-control. I would purge but I can’t. I would exercise but I feel like I’m going to be sick. I would burn myself but I threw out my lighter because I was convinced that I wouldn’t need it anymore. I was wrong. I need it, I need it now. It’s the only way that I can be in control. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a fresh start. Tomorrow marks the new week. The week that is going to start the rest of my life. There will be no excuses. There will be no bingeing. There will be no junk food. There will be exercise. There will be control. There will be restricting. I will be in control.

Food diary:

Breakfast:

– Half grapefruit: 41 calories

– Moccona Classic Instant Coffee: 1-2 calories

– Extra slim milk: 19 calories

– Sugar (half teaspoon): 8 calories

Lunch:

– Orange: 45 calories

Snacks:

– Rj’s Natural Raspberry Logs (Licorice): 272 calories

– Sunmaid raisins: 65 calories

Dinner:

– Beef Taco Salad: 425 calories

Total calories: 877 calories

Total carbs: 115g

Total fat: 31g

Total protein: 32g

I only have one word for this: Failure. That is disgusting. 31g of fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Just think of all that fat that’s rushing around in your body. It’s too late to get rid of it. You can’t get rid of it. You’re going to get fat. You will be fat. You are fat. You are nothing but fat. Fat and a failure. Those are the two words that constantly sound in my head. It’s like a little voice that never goes away. Fat and a failure. Fat and a failure. Fat and a failure.

Exercise diary:

Power walking: 232 calories.

I always seem to have an excuse when it comes to exercising. I was tired. I was going to have a day off. I’m on my period. I’m bloated. I feel sick. I want to throw up, on purpose. It’s a new day tomorrow. My week of hard exercise starts tomorrow. I’m sick of it. Tomorrow is going to change. Tomorrow is going to be different. Tomorrow I will change, if it’s the last thing I do.

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Discussion

2 thoughts on “Food and exercise diary: Day three.

  1. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over this; it was your first day, and it seems that you did pretty good – just keep going strong;)) Great post and I look forward to sharing more with you:))

    Posted by wartica | March 19, 2012, 2:55 am
    • Aw, thank you! I think I was just having a bad day, a really bad day and when that happens I tend to take it out on myself, one way or another. I was just frustrated because I usually have no problem with eating healthy, I can say no to ‘unhealthy’ food whenever I get asked if I want some, I just couldn’t do it yesterday. Today was better though, I’m in a much better mood! I hope you had/have an absolutely amazing day! :]

      Posted by adisorderedlife | March 19, 2012, 8:11 pm

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