Today was the first day of my “health challenge” and I failed. Failed badly, in fact. I can’t believe I have such bad self-control. I would purge but I can’t. I would exercise but I feel like I’m going to be sick. I would burn myself but I threw out my lighter because I was convinced that I wouldn’t need it anymore. I was wrong. I need it, I need it now. It’s the only way that I can be in control. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a fresh start. Tomorrow marks the new week. The week that is going to start the rest of my life. There will be no excuses. There will be no bingeing. There will be no junk food. There will be exercise. There will be control. There will be restricting. I will be in control.
– Half grapefruit: 41 calories
– Moccona Classic Instant Coffee: 1-2 calories
– Extra slim milk: 19 calories
– Sugar (half teaspoon): 8 calories
– Orange: 45 calories
– Rj’s Natural Raspberry Logs (Licorice): 272 calories
– Sunmaid raisins: 65 calories
– Beef Taco Salad: 425 calories
Total calories: 877 calories
Total carbs: 115g
Total fat: 31g
Total protein: 32g
I only have one word for this: Failure. That is disgusting. 31g of fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Just think of all that fat that’s rushing around in your body. It’s too late to get rid of it. You can’t get rid of it. You’re going to get fat. You will be fat. You are fat. You are nothing but fat. Fat and a failure. Those are the two words that constantly sound in my head. It’s like a little voice that never goes away. Fat and a failure. Fat and a failure. Fat and a failure.
Power walking: 232 calories.
I always seem to have an excuse when it comes to exercising. I was tired. I was going to have a day off. I’m on my period. I’m bloated. I feel sick. I want to throw up, on purpose. It’s a new day tomorrow. My week of hard exercise starts tomorrow. I’m sick of it. Tomorrow is going to change. Tomorrow is going to be different. Tomorrow I will change, if it’s the last thing I do.