That’s a tricky question because at the moment I don’t have an ultimate goal weight. My first goal weight is 40kg which is only 2.9kg away! My aim is to reach that first “goal weight” then maintain it for a while so my body can get used to the change. Normally I would continue to lose weight without maintaining for too long but last time I did that I become ‘infertile’ for two months and I was scared, terrified actually that I had lost too much weight already to be considered ‘healthy’. My mum was scared for me, she even overreacted and threatened me with an overnight trip to the hospital to put me on a drip so I can get the required nutrients. Of course, I told my boyfriend that I was losing weight rather rapidly (some of it was unintentional) and he flipped, especially when he heard the part about my temporary infertility. It was him that made me want to stop losing weight and I did, until now. I’m in a head space when I want to lose weight but not for anyone else, just for me. To make me happy and no one else.
If I reached a weight and I was happy with myself and my body then the first thing I would run out and buy would be a bathing suit. Any kind of bathing suit. A bikini or a one-piece. A bathing suit with cut outs. Anything. The options would be limitless. I’ve always had a love for all things floral or patterned. My last bikini was white with a pink cherry pattern all over it; it was cute and girly. There’s also something I have to admit; it’s from when I was in America. Years ago, when I was fourteen. I’m almost eighteen now and I’m happy to say that the top half of it no longer fits properly. So if I was to get a new bikini it would be something like the image to the left. I’m absolutely in love with things like that. I will search for a bikini like that until I find it. I will not rest until I find one like that.
Then I would go to the closest store that’s not the Warehouse, Farmers or K-Mart and buy all the shorts/skinny jeans that they have. I’ve never been overly confident wearing things like that, even though I do own a fair amount of shorts and only one pair of jeans, from when I was fourteen. I can quite happily say that they’re loose, not too bad but they’re beginning to fall down when I walk. It would be lovely to be able to go out and be confident while trying on a pair of shorts or jeans. To be able to strut around the shop and be happy with what I see, not just another girl trying to fit herself into a pair of jeans that are obviously too small for her. I will not be that girl. I refuse to be that girl. That’s probably one of my biggest reasons: To be able to fit into skinny jeans and be comfortable with it. To be able to walk around without thinking about how everyone is looking at my thighs. To simply not care.
Completely unrelated to losing weight but still something I want to buy is a new pair of heels. Amongst my friends it is no secret that I hate my feet, if it was possible to get a foot transplant then I would do it. If it was possible to get liposuction on my big toe then I would do it. All my toes (except my big toe) are ridiculously small so when you look at my big toe it’s just hilarious. My friends always comment that it looks like all the meat that was supposed to be on my other toes has just been put onto one toe. My ridiculous feet hasn’t stopped my love for shoes though, specifically heels because I’m so small. So if I was to get to my “goal weight”, whatever that may be, I would go and buy a pair of sexy high heels.
Looking for pictures to post and discovering the amazing clothes and shoes out there has made me even more determined! I will get there. I will be happy. I will reach my goal weight. I will have those amazing high heels.