That’s what today is doing; it’s kicking my ass. I never thought a simple cold could make me lose control like this. I thought I had an iron grip over what food I considered to be ‘safe’ and what wouldn’t pass through my lips at all. Obviously that all changed today. Hot cross buns, white chocolate buttons, numerous handfuls of raisins and energy trail mix,more waffles, multiple cups of coffee/hot chocolate and several pieces of chewing gum later; I’m still hungry and worse for 900-1,200 calories. For the first time in weeks I’ve reached my calorie limit for the day and not my personal one, the one that was set for me by a machine. That really is a terrible feeling.
For months I’ve had a game of beating any machine; being ready before it’s finished the cycle, pushing myself further on the treadmill, completing the first set before timer goes off, eating well below my recommended daily intake. I had done all of that with no worries until today. The feeling of a bloated stomach is nothing compared to the feeling of knowing that I have well and truly blown my calorie intake out of the water today. A high number is my worst nightmare. I’m too scared to step on the scale tomorrow morning, I’m not going to step in the scale tomorrow morning. I’m too scared to see what it will read. I don’t want to know. I’m happy living in the land of 42.5kg. My ‘safe’ zone. After everything, that’s always the weight I go back to. 42.5, 42.5, 42.5. Needless to say, I’m not going to post a food diary today because I do not want to relive all the crap that I’ve eaten today. Instead I’m going to spend the time coming up with a food plan for tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll stick to it.
Today really has kicked my ass.